Last Pass

Gotta say, it's always been fun to be able to scoff at the idea of a 5k. Please 5k, that's 3 miles, hardly even worth puttin on my shoes. But I'll let ya in on a little secret. When doing this everyone is gonna assume you are quite capable of running a 5k in a respectable amount of time. They will actually stop what they are doing and look up at you with a complete lack of understanding when they find out that your PR is actually barely under 30 minutes. You can see the "but you've run a bunch of marathons" thought scrolling across their forehead like the list of counties with a tornado warning till 7:32pm.
So there you are with a serious discontinuity threatening to devolve your universe. Whatcha gonna do. First thing is get clean for two weeks. Then you're gonna find yourself a corporate team, (free entry fee, sweet). There is also the added benefit, that all but two of the guys on your corporate team are like ten years younger than you, this raises the base metabolic ego rate. (Not as good a motivator as a conversation with the ex wife, but hey no blood pressure medicine either.)

Here is six of the nine or so with their pre race sexy on.


This is where things get tough. You see I got a gift. At a 5k or just about any race with a beer wagon, Eddie puts his game on. While my oratory skills might be lacking in any other venue. Show me a person in charge of free beer that isn't supposed to be handed out for another 20 minutes, and I find a tounge as golden as every car salesman on south memorial combined. But wait! I really want to put up a good time... I think. Free beer... early, there is a principle to be addressed there. I can still drink beer after, but that is not the point is it. Uh oh, Globo Gymer doing a warm up sprint, douche. K that helps. Already need to pee and that porta potty line is stupid long. Really helps. Hmmm, chick digs fast right? Let's go find out.

Nice, cool, flat, fast (aside from too much dodgin in the first 1/2 mile) And guess what 23:37.
Yeah, baby PR by like 5 minutes. We took second in the coporate teams division(stupid BOK, I saw you Tom). When you're on a team they apparently take the three fastest times to calculate your average. Everyone else gets their time put in parenthesis. Can ya see it coming yet? That's right my time had NO parenthesis. Like buttah babie!

So for coming in second, what do ya get? Funny you should ask, you get an award. Real genuine commemorative simulated metal coaster!


What's that? Looks like it was made by the Mason Jar Canning and Trophy company? Yeah, kinda what I thought too, but hey whaddya expect from a Globo Gymer race. (Yes, you might have to be from the Arkansas side of Tulsa to catch that reference). But at 23:37 (did I mention that already?) I'll go ahead and be proud.




Miles for the day - 3.1
Globo Gymers - Scads, but if I laid eyes on em they saw nothin but my tush.
Insufferable Braggarts - just me